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Jun 25, 2004
Today, we are all Greeks...
...and I dont just mean that I finally grew chest hair.
France-haters, unite! Greece just beat France in the Euro2004 soccer tournament, probably the biggest win in Greek history and definately an upset for France, one of the top 3 teams in the world right now. And no, they didnt surrender again.
I thought I was above taking delight in seeing the top-dog going down, but I guess I`m not.
Posted at 07:31 pm by davidraske
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Jun 23, 2004
Posted at 12:35 pm by davidraske
Jun 14, 2004
Annoying Australian lady with fat ankles
While on my Cusco city tour with my incomparable guide, Wilbur, there was also a one-of-a-kind fellow tourist, the Annoying Australian lady with fat ankles (AALWFA). I only started writing down things she said after the first 30 minutes of the tour, so I missed a few good ones. Because of bad weather and the complete incompetence of the tour guide, I really considered leaving the tour one hour in, but just as I was about to pack up, AALWFA would say something incredible. My curiosity to hear what would come out of her mouth next kept me on the tour until the end.
At first I hated AALWFA because, from the beginning, she started asking questions she obviously knew the answer to, just like some of those students in school we all knew, and its one of my biggest pet peeves. They supply 75% of the answer while asking the question. Its so weird and such a kissass move.
After a few of those, she moved away from masking her know-it-all attitude with questions and just started offering her own info. I was so close to interrupting her mid-sentence and asking how much extra we had to pay for her tour. Just horrible. And her facts were often wrong...she`d just talk nonsense out loud, to everyone and no-one at the same time.
It was after our tour of an ancient Inka temple, complete with people dressed in traditional Inka clothes and artifacts, that my attitude towards her began to change. Mostly because she switched from annoying to unintentionally entertaining...
I`ll try to explain these comments with a little context so hopefully you can appreciate the kind of fun I was having listening to AALWFA.
1. (after being shown a plate of traditional Inka offerings, which had two ears of corn with big big kernels. We had just been told there are 500 naturally occurring different types of corn grown in Peru, and in colors white to red to black)
AALWFA: "Hey...how do the Inkas get the corn that big?"
2. (our guide had been using "enigmatic" to describe many of the mysteries surrounding things within the Inka empire and some of their building techniques for over 3 hours of the tour...)
AALWFA: "And what does enigmatic mean?"
3. (The highlight of our tour was a short excursion to Sacsayhuaman, the most famous Inka ruin in Cusco. The guide almost lost it at this point...as you know from an earlier post about him, he was crazy about Quecha words.)
AALWFA: "Is this the trek up to Sexy Woman?"
4. (We drive by a big white statue of Jesus the Redeemer, arms spread wide, just like the famous one on top of Rio but smaller. For over 5 minutes the guide explains facts about it, even that the Palestinians gave it as a gift, which I thought was odd. One minute goes by...)
AALWFA: "Hey what is that white thing?"
EVERYONE ON THE BUS: (collective eye roll)
Wilbur: "A statue...of Geesus Criest"
AALWFA: "....what?"
Wilbur: "Geesus Criest"
AALWFA: "....I`m sorry, what?"
Wilbur: "Geesus Criest"
AALWFA: (chuckling a little uncomfortably, looking around for support) ".....Wh"
ME: (to myself) "Jesus Christ"
ME: (to her, out loud) "JESUS CHRIST!!"
AALWFA: "Oh...did he really say that?"
... one minute of welcome silence...
AALWFA: "Well....I`m Christian...but Church of England, not Catholic."
Incredible.
5. (Making small talk with Wilbur because nobody else will listen to her and she has to talk... explaining why she`s wearing flip-flops to him in 48F weather. Also note that except for his penchant for using Quecha words wherever possible, Wilbur our guide has been speaking perfect English for over 3 hours at this point)
AALWFA: "I suffer from swollen ankles...."
AALWFA: "....I was flying...you know FLY-ING??? (Waving her arms like a bird)"
Wilbur: (silently listening...nodding in agreement)
AALWFA: (to the rest of the bus) "Does anyone know how to say flying in Spanish?"
I wish I could make up stuff this good. If this has failed to be funny its the fault of my writing ability, not the fault of AALWFA. God bless her and her swollen ankles.
Posted at 11:45 am by davidraske
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June 12 7:30am
Cusco, Peru
My cabdriver on the way to the airport this morning said he loved the USA...when I told him I was from there he got all excited... "Dame la mano!" He had a cousin in NJ, and friends in Ohio and Arizona...reminds me of another cabbie I met in BA who had been illegal in Ohio for 2 years....what`s the secret with Ohio? This guy hates Cusco because of all the people and criminals, although he was clear to point out its better than Lima. Also, he`s never been to Machu Picchu (he was over 60 years old).
Last night I broke down and went to a british pub in Cusco for a few drinks. I ended up meeting law students from Lima who spoke english, and it was one of the girls´ birthday, so we ended up hanging out all night. They had a sob story too...their first night in Cusco they had gone to a cheap hostel, and while out at dinner their bags had been emptied while stored in reception. Sounds like a perfect excuse to shop to me. So I bought them some drinks (I think I spent $8 the whole night on them...high roller!).
As the night progressed we moved to a different bar with a dancefloor. They introduced me to a guy "friend" of theirs and dissapeared. No harm no foul...except that their friend was gay, and had 2 other gay friends with him. One of the guys was 5´1" and looked just like Victor Tang from LOHS, with the same great dance moves. One of the other two looked just like that lead singer from INXS who accidentally killed himself masturbating.
Long story short...these guys LOVED me. Called me "haaaaaannndsome!". Thought my dance moves were sexy. Were very impressed I was from SF. It was a pretty cool situation as they kept their hands to themselves but were highly entertaining. Everything was fun and non-scary until a full-on transvestite with fake tits showed up and was very eager to freak me. It was time to leave.
So the girls told me a few interesting things...
3 months ago in Puno, the city on Lake Titicaca and a pretty miserable place, some regular townspeople and farmers were upset with government corruption, so they grabbed a TV reporter (kind of kidnapped?) with a camera and proceeded to beat the current mayor to death on live TV.
The birthday girl wanted to live in Portland for 3 months more than anywhere in the US (she has a friend there now). This is before I told her I was from there. The interesting part is that Peruvians applying for a US tourist visa have to pay a $300 non-refundable fee. I had no idea its that high...basically prohibitive for all but the richest people here.
At first these girls thought I was english because of how I was dressed: They explained to me how americans dress and how they know this from watching MTV. I was hoping the whole time it was a big joke but they really thought I was trying to trick them by saying I was american. I finally convinced them by showing off my white socks.
Posted at 11:11 am by davidraske
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Jun 13, 2004
June 10 9:00am
Machu Picchu, Peru
Although these ruins are full of tourists now, its still something to behold. We´ve all seen the pictures of the ruins before, but what you don´t see are the incredible views of the surrounding mountains and valleys from the ruins themselves. Hopefully my pictures come out well.
I was here on the first bus at 6:20 am, in time for sunrise at 7:20, but much too late for first light (the sunrise is so late because it has to climb a tall mountain in the east before you see the first real rays). Of course it was nice, but not that much more incredible than yesterday afternoon.
I´ll save you all the boring details about the ruins...there are hundreds of places to read the history if you want to.
I tried the vibrantly yellow and famous Inka Cola ("El sabor del Peru!") here for $3, which is highway robbery, quite appropriate for this busy of a tourist site. Anyway it tastes just like a carbonated bananna popcicle. Not good.
Oh, speaking of robbery. I just found out that a bus of 21 Italian and Dutch tourists was hijacked and robbed at gunpoint in the Colca Valley 2 days ago, 2 hours after we passed through. I guess that makes me sound a little brave for having gone there, but to be honest, if I would have heard that beforehand there´s no way I would have gone. Hearing about a place that´s a little dangerous sounds cool before you get there: Once you´re there and confronted with it, you really start to long for security and there´s nothing exciting about it.
Posted at 10:36 pm by davidraske
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June 6 4:00pm
2 hours from Cusco, Peru .... aboard PeruRail "Inka Class"
By any standards this first-class part of the train is top-notch and for Peru its like rolling with Patrick Ewing to the Gold Club. Except for the sex part. Ok bad analogy.
Moving on...
I only boarded the train with $4, and having not eaten breakfast. Pretty smart for a 10-hour ride where they charge American prices. At least lunch was free. Its kind of weird riding first-class but not being able to afford anything except 1 bottled water.
Im the only person here under 40 years old, and one of the few non-Germans. You gotta love them though....there was a group of 10 German grandpas drinking neat whiskies with beer chasers at 8am. I was tempted to join them but I only had money for 1 bottled water. Probably for the best anyway.
So the best thing, other than the amazing mountain scenery we pass by, is watching little kids literally run from the fields of their little farms to wave at the train. Some were coming home from school in their uniforms, but others were helping the famlies harvest potatoes or grain, and all of them had HUGE smiles and were so excited. The pure joy in their faces made my day...maybe my whole vacation. I know it sounds cheezy as hell but it was true. Of course there were some boys throwing rocks and alpaca shit at the train also, but I think its more of a 10-year-old-boy thing than a political statement.
This train runs right through a wide fertile valley filled with tiny farming villages, none bigger than one acre. Livestock everywhere, but only a few for each family...3 hens, 2 pigs, 1 cow. Maybe a few llamas or donkeys or a goat. I dont know why its so interesting to me, since I´ve been around all this stuff before and its not exotic. Maybe because its on such a small scale. I know it must be an extremely rough life, but from the slowly passing train, it looks idyllic. Vibrant green squares broken up by thatch-roof ancient stone huts and tall wind-blown trees, with a gourgous little river running through the middle of the valley. As we approach Cusco, this valley looks like it belongs in more southern Oregon than in someplace 3 hours from Machu Picchu.
Posted at 10:25 pm by davidraske
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June 5 6:00 pm
Arequipa, Peru
We spent all day touring the Colca canyon and valley, and as you´ll see from the pictures, its filled with terraces in 100 shades of green, all constructed by pre-Inka tribes 800 years ago and still used today. At the condor point we saw three of them flying...pretty impressive to see them so close and with such a backdrop, but I expected them to be much bigger. There was the usual array of 15 indiginous women selling exactly the same wares, but this time I actually bought something: gloves, a scarf, and a sweater, all handmade from alpaca wool for $12. I dont know how they survive and sell seriously exactly the same things next to each other. I see a possible MBA case-study project waiting for me here.
I was scared when I learned we had to return to Arequipa over the same 14,600 ft pass that had put me in hell most of yesterday. So I came prepared, having drank 2 litres of water, popped 2 aspirin, and already chewing triple the recommended dosage of coca leaves (guess I´m one of those first time addicts? ) before we got anywhere near that altitude. Well I passed the summit feeling great, although it could have been the coca or just the aclimitazation from the day before.
Now I´m off to Puno, the city on Lake Titicaca for the night before I head up to Cusco, the major tourist center of Peru.
Posted at 10:08 pm by davidraske
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June 4 5:15pm
Chivay, Peru (inside the Colca Valley)
I´m lying on my bed with a pounding headache and its the best I´ve felt in 6 hours.
It turns out altitude sickness is real, and it really sucks. At least it doesnt involve diarrhea (yet). Also, the local remedies look like contraband siezed from a 8th-grade druggie party: Massive amounts of coca leaves (reminds me of kids that bury weed in wet ground for hallucinogenic effects) and cotton swabs soaked in corn-moonshine for huffing. If this stuff doesnt work, I half-expect an offer from the secret stash of Peruvian payote.
Note to self: 2 nights at 8000 ft. is not enough time to aclimatize for an ascent to 14,600 ft and back down to 11,000 in one day. When we crossed 12,000 ft. in the bus today, I really started to feel a headache. Before the trip I read altitude sickness can be fatal. After 1 minute above 14000 ft, I was wondering what the hell was taking it so long.
I was in a cold sweat, seeing stars, with my skin hurting everywhere (Did you know this was possible???) and sprawled out over my bus seat while EVERYONE else was totally fine, getting out to take pictures at viewpoints and, quite embarassingly, being extra nice to me. Now I know how Goines must have felt that night he drank 6 Red-Bulls in 2 hours.
Outside the bus window, the mountains were magestic and larger than life. Inside the bus, in semi-fetal position on my bus seat, I was trying to think of any way to go unconscious and escape the pain, seriously contemplating if the big German guy behind me could knock me out with one punch like in the movies. I hadn´t heard of strangle-mugging yet or I would have considered that also. Eventually my koala instincts kicked in and I passed-out.
Now back down at 11,000 ft I feel totally normal and so much better. How weird. This village where we´re spending the night in the valley is really great: There are locals walking their herds of alpacas and sheep in the streets, using donkeys to carry straw, and there are pigs wandering around too. Lots of stone walls and houses with corregated aluminum roofs with rocks holding down the sheet metal so the wind doesnt blow it off. Some houses are drying corn on the roof so they dont need the rocks. Pretty cool stuff. Also, the people really wear the traditional indian clothing here, although the really flashy colors are only used for ceremonial things like dances. What´s strange is to see the mix of old and new clothes: I walked by a farmer wearing indian clothes and a yankees baseball cap, and a little boy walking sheep wearing a yellow "Maui !" t-shirt.
.... Update: 5:00 am ....
Turns out I celebrated too early: altitude sickness can reappear. A skull-splitting headache pounded me into submission only one our after I declared my triumph. Very Greek. I went to reception to beg for aspirin, but I looked so bad the woman suggested that I needed some oxygen. The only other time I´ve taken O2 was in a trendy oxygen bar in SF: They "scent" the 02 and you´re supposed to get a natural high, but you´re really just sitting around for the 20 minutes wondering what kind of secret handshake or codeword it takes for them to ditch the O2 and hook up the good stuff you KNOW they have hiding in back. This time it was more enjoyable, but not apple-scented.
It was a 5 minute experience among the most soothing and comforting of my life. There´s just something about being taken care by a woman speaking another language. I wasnt sure if the gas was working at first...and I felt a little weird lying on my bed with the hotel receptionist sitting in a chair bedside with a massive gas tank. But then the magic happened: she told me to close my eyes, and still speaking in soothing spanish, proceeded to give me a temple and forehead massage for the duration of the treatment. Now THAT´S service. This single experience has totally altered the qualities I´m looking for in a wife, or at least the priority. Gives temple massages when I have a debilitating headache? Required.
If I haven´t convinced you how seriously bad I felt by now, just know that I skipped dinner. Actually I slept through it last night, going to bed at 7:30pm, waking up this morning at 2am and trying to fall asleep for the past 3 hours in bed. I´ve only skipped dinner 4 or 5 times in my life (I even ate when I had scarlet fever for 5 days when I was 12), which I´m sure is apparent from all the photos of me in tight jeans, the only kind I wear now.
We leave in 1 hour, 6am, to go see the condors at sunrise and the rest of the Colca Canyon. We´ve already driven past some really different, some just extremely rural and poor, indian villages.
Posted at 09:52 pm by davidraske
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June 3 4:30pm
Arequipa, Peru: Deja Vu rooftop bar
I just finished a full day of sightseeing in central Arequipa. Went on two different museum tours: One of a huge monestary/convent (Santa Catalina), and the other, a privately guided tour through an Inka museum, complete with its own Mummy, "the beautiful Juanita." I know Peruvian girls are no where near as cute as Argentinian ones, but if this is their standard for hot (well, she did have nice long hair), all you men in San Jose can feel a little bit better about whats available at Toons and Mission Male House.
The private museum tour was great, but the funny thing was that I wasnt allowed alone in the museum. So this whirlwind tour by the guide was all I got, but I had this massive rush of seratonin radiating off the back of my head for 20 minutes... I guess because I really love personalized service and also this Indiana Jones shit. Seriously, the only time that I´ve felt like this, well sober anyway, is the first time I drove my car alone to the gas station for a fillup and the guy washed my windows too (Self-service is illegal in Oregon, along with U-turns).
So I had an incredible lunch at a top-notch Turkish resturant here. Of course, I had diarrhea, but it was worth it. I eat any kind of exotic food I can find while I´m on vacation because I´m dying without spicy food in Argentina (More likely, I´m dying because of all the beef I´m eating, but that´s a different story).
The city is beautiful and clean. Reminds me of Mendoza, Argentina...except for that thing about 500 year old women being held as a local standard of beauty. I realized I love colonial architecture: bold and simple colors, set against stark white, often amazingly carved, stone buildings with black wrought-iron fixures, contrasted by a bright blue sky above. I hope my pictures can capture the feel. The insides of some of these churches are spectacular with tons of gaudy statues, huge domed cielings, and gold-painted wood carvings that are 30ft wide and 100ft tall, with inset statues...kind of like a life-size Christmas advent calendar.
The main square is really nice, but suffers from an overpopulation of pushy shoeshine-boys who, every one of them, insist that they can shine the tan suede Timberlands I´m wearing. I replied with 10 firm "No quiero"´s because, while my Spanish is certainly improving, I don´t really know how to explain that the shoes are not really suede and that I´ve just sprayed them with a special chemical compound designed to be water-resistant. Some spoke some broken English to me....but I didnt fall for that shit, just kept on using my broken Spanish. I need to learn a few lines of Finnish or Greek, just to see if I can stump them. Just because I´m pale, sunburned, and over 5´7" shouldnt mean that I automatically speak English.
Posted at 09:08 pm by davidraske
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June 2 2:50pm
Lima, Peru: Jorge Chavez Aeropuerto Internacional
I´ve just arrived from BA and have been sitting here at the gate for 30 minutes, with over 3 hours remaining until my flight to Arequipa...and I´m bored out of my mind. Thank God for the annoying little boy who´s playing on the floor and rolling coins into my feet, like a 1-pin bowling alley. We´re both having fun with it.
I have the kind of dull headache one expects in the afternoon when running on 5 hours of sleep and having travelled since 7am that morning, combined with various delays, two doses of airline food, and recurring diarrhea. I´m dying to read something, but every time I begin, I feel slightly nausiated or completely distracted, pretty much like anyone playing defense for the Lakers right now.
Excuse me...potty break....
(10 min later)
Well that´s something fun to do every 5 hours. It may have been precipitated by the weird sandwhich I just ate but its mostly likely from yesterday´s adventure with 5-day-old homemade clam chowder. I made it for the family I teach with here, and it was absolutely buttkickin´. It was really exotic for them but they loved it: The had looks of suprise on their face as they tried it and actually liked it. They probably were a little scared of my cooking ability too.
Well that was 5 days ago...so learn my lesson: Don´t take risks with 5-day-old seafood and dairy products.
So more about my first impressons of Peru from the airport here. They have Dunkin Donuts here so it can´t be all bad. And Doritos & Pringles. That being said, so far its conforming to all my negative prejudices. The weather is absolutely miserable...perfect visibility for 50 yards, then just a wall of white fog everywhere. Its like living in a cloud...and if you thought that would be cool, its not. Its like this over half the year here.
The domestic terminal here, all 8 gates of it, smells like dirty butchershop or slaughterhouse. It especially smells like old dead chicken. I´ve switched seats 3 times trying to escape the odor, finally settling here next to a group of 4 college-girls in college sweatshirts, who are even more casually annoying and tomboyish than I remember. Maybe I´m just a macho asshole now. Sometimes its fun to try and guess whether groups of American-looking&sounding people are Canadian or not, but since their backpacks are in plain view (sans maple-leaf patches) its not even a challenge. (Its required by law in Canada that backpacks come with a prominently-placed Canadian Flag patch)
So this being my first day in Peru, Im a little apprehensive about getting altitude sickness. The symptoms sound like what I felt like 30 minutes ago, except altitude sickness can also kill you, or just make you want to stay in bed all day. Sounds like a bad hangover minus the bar tab, good times, and the 3:30am call to your ex-girlfriend that you dont find out you made until a Christmas party 3 months later.
The plus side is that I have a legit reason to injest cocaine, by chewing coca leaves, as it is a known remedy for altitude sickness. (And if I have any loyal readers at the DEA: it takes 2 kilos of coca leaves to equal the high from 1 gram of the white lady, so dont waste your time with me.) Incidentally, the other 2 legit reasons are, A) If I was ever in the presence of a Scarface-sized mountain of yayo, or B) Peer pressure.
Now I´m heading to Arequipa as my first destination in Peru, as its only 8000 ft, so being there some days will help me aclimate before heading to Cusco at 11000 ft. From there I´ll do a 2-day tour of the 2nd deepest canyon in the world, before heading to Cusco, stopping for one night in Lake Titicaca along the way. And no, you perverts, that name is not Spanish for one of those weird sex moves you read about on the internet.
...
Just talked to a Peruvian guy who´s in the specialty lumber business (read "rainforest") and does deals with America and Europe. He says he works with a group of 33 local producers in the Amazon that are now working with the WWF for a stamp of approval on operations. Its good to see the WWF taking a realistic approach and working with a business group that actually wants to adapt to more earth-friendly (and lets face it, ultimately business-friendly) practices, instead of pouting and holding out for stone-age level of environmental perfection. The guy was cool: He talked about how conservation was in their interests, but the poor people who live there also have the right to have the forest be their lifeblood.
I told the guy I´m from Oregon and he gave me all his contact information, in case I know someone who want´s to do business. Weird.
Posted at 08:28 pm by davidraske
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